Yes, forgiveness is a virtue,
They even say it is divine.
But more than that it sets you free,
From what weighs you down inside.
The gift of forgiveness is a divine gift made possible through our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement. We are not only able to receive forgiveness for our own sins and transgressions, but we are empowered to extend that forgiveness to the people we come into contact with throughout our life, blessing us with the power of the Holy Ghost.
As many if not all of you know, I faced the pain of divorce in all its ugliness at the beginning of this year. After confronting the resurfacing of past struggles and choosing to move forward together, my ex-husband decided to throw in the towel. He packed up his things and sent me a text letting me know he was leaving me for good, inflicting the most exquisite pain I’ve ever felt. Time quickly turned my feelings of love into hate.
To cover up my heartache I stayed busy with the work of my last semester of college while relying heavily on my Savior. I was praying constantly, serving in the temple, listening to inspirational music, and prayerfully attending sacrament meetings in order to keep my head up. In efforts to feel strong and anchored in the person I deeply wanted to believe I was and am, I channeled my anger into proving to myself, the world, and even the Lord that I was dauntless and untouchable, ultimately numbing my feelings about my situation… that is until I graduated and the gravity of everything weighed heavily on my heart and mind.
Standing face-to-face with what happened has been the hardest yet most rewarding experience I’ve had. I had to accept the reality of my situation and feelings. With the acceptance of my experiences, I knew that somehow, someday, through the help of my Redeemer, I would have to forgive my ex and even myself because I spent a lot of time blaming myself, causing me to believe I was unworthy of the love of God or a significant other down the road.
At one point, I entered the darkest place I’ve ever been in. Darkness seemed to encircle me as it did the Nephites in the Book of Mormon following the crucifixion of our Savior. We read that they “could feel the vapor of darkness” (3 Nephi 8:20).
21 And there could be no light, because of the darkness, neither candles, neither torches; neither could there be fire kindled with their find and exceedingly dry wood, so that there could not be any light at all;
22 And there was not any light seen, neither fire, nor glimmer, neither the sun, nor the moon, nor the stars, for so great were the mists of darkness which were upon the face of the land.
The darkness I felt was not physical, but it was spiritual. Lacking adequate light in my life through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I felt despair and was losing faith. I felt unworthy of the love and blessings of God and believed I deserved to be punished and go through all this pain. I believed the Atonement of Jesus Christ in all its blessings of healing, forgiveness, strength and redemption worked for everyone else, just not me.
Ultimately, I desired peace. I needed to know God loves me and has a plan for me. With time I learned that I didn’t need to know that, I merely needed to trust in that and in God. I needed faith, patience, and to learn forgiveness before I could move on. I wanted God to lighten my burdens, or remove them completely, but I needed to believe the Atonement of Jesus Christ worked for me and that the divinity of forgiveness could work in my life. The wonderful truth is He does and the Lord tells us how to do this.
13 … will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?
14 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.
By being anchored in Christ, meaning we repent and give our hearts to him, we will be blessed to forgive and receive forgiveness for ourselves no matter what has happened. That is the power of the mercy of Jesus Christ. The Lord has taught us:
Ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.
In the everyday circumstances of life, we will surely be wronged by other people—sometimes innocently and sometimes intentionally. It is easy to become bitter or angry or vengeful in such situations, but this is not the Lord’s way. The Savior counseled, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44) …
No matter how much you or I have been wronged, the Lord still requires us to forgive. Extending forgiveness to others may be more difficult at times than others, but the commandment to forgive is not contingent upon whether or not we receive an apology. It’s not contingent upon the degree of wrongdoing. We are to offer unconditional forgiveness, and I will be the first to say that this is easier said than done.
It is when we are anchored in Christ we are then blessed with the ability to forgive as he would.
I love the story we read in Luke chapter 5 about the Savior’s ability to forgive and heal. In this chapter, we read about a man with palsy, whose friends let him down through the roof to be in the midst of Jesus. Mockingly, the Pharisees question Jesus, who when seeing the faith of the man’s friends, says, “Man, thy sins are forgiven thee.”
22 But when Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answering said unto them, What reason ye in your hearts?
23 Whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Rise up and walk?
24 But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to forgive sins, (he said unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy couch, and go into thine house.
25 And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God.
This is how the Lord can forgive each of us if we have faith: whole, complete, and immediate. His example of forgiveness teaches us how we too should forgive. You and I do not have the power to tell someone their sins are forgiven, but we can have faith in Jesus Christ, great enough to forgive our offenders.
In my particular situation with my divorce, there was a lot I was holding onto. I worked little by little to try to forgive my ex-husband, but couldn’t reach the level of forgiveness I know the Lord required of me. When Bishop Brown called me asking me to speak on forgiveness, I knew this was God speaking to me, telling me it’s time to let go. I questioned, “But how? How can I truly forgive?”
We have been counseled that, “We should pray for strength to forgive those who have wronged us, and we should abandon feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. We should also look for the good in others rather than focusing on their faults and magnifying their weaknesses. God will be the judge of others’ harmful actions.”
Jesus Christ was and is the ultimate example of forgiveness. Upon the cross, he cried, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” If Jesus Christ, he who has been wronged in ways greater than any of us could ever possibly experience in this life, forgives not only willingly but with understanding and compassion, then I too can forgive and be filled with the Spirit.
In order for me to forgive my ex-husband, I needed to see him as a person, a child of God. I needed to forgive with love, something, if you remember, I had removed from my heart. Paul taught, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Seeing him for who he is, a child of God, sparked in me compassion and Christ-like love. I have been blessed to see someone who is a lost sheep of our Savior’s flock.
Extending and even receiving forgiveness does not ensure the healing of wounds, but it makes the pain lighter. Forgiveness ensures the blessings and abundance of the Holy Ghost in our lives, bringing peace, love, clarity, and joy, as well as increased healing through the Savior, all the feelings I so desperately wanted.
Forgiveness is Divine
Pat A. Flemming
Some people view forgiveness,
As a virtue for the weak.
An act of Mercy undeserved,
That serves no useful need.
They stand firmly in their judgment,
And won’t consider a mistake.
They prefer to hold a senseless grudge,
Than accept amends when made.
They feel they have some Godly right,
To reject and criticize.
They’re possessed by righteous anger,
And consumed by pointless pride.
They’re focused on how they’ve been wronged,
And won’t be made the fool again.
So they feel they must avenge themselves,
By refusing to give in.
They will sacrifice their family,
Or forsake a long, time friend.
Do anything they have to do,
To be the winner in the end.
Or perhaps it’s that they can’t resolve,
The depth of all their hurt.
Caused when someone that they’ve trusted,
Left them questioning their worth.
But no matter why they struggle,
Out of pride or out of fear.
Not being able to forgive,
Can cause the loss of ones most dear.
Yes, forgiveness is a virtue,
They even say it is divine.
But more than that it sets you free,
From what weighs you down inside.
The best way to approach this life,
Is to ask forgiveness and to forgive.
There’s a balance to this crazy world,
So live and just let live.
Today, I can say that I forgive him. My forgiveness doesn’t mean that I will let him back into my life but it does mean that I’m refusing to hold on to the past, I am letting go, and I pray for him. I hope someday, he will find a place in his heart to forgive himself and find forgiveness from the Lord. I hope he finds healing.
Forgiving has set me free from what was weighing me down inside. The day I chose to forgive my ex-husband was the day I found true peace again. I found happiness. I found hope. In forgiving, I have found greater optimism for the future. As I have followed the example of the Anit-Nephi-Lehi’s and laid down my weapons of war, I have felt an increase of the Spirit in my life and feel more deeply anchored in Christ. Because of these changes, I smile brighter and hold my head higher.
In my journey to forgive, I have needed my Savior by my side every step of the way. I still need him. Being anchored in Christ to face the storms of my seas has kept my own ship not only afloat, but strong and a safe haven for others seeking for peace. Brothers and sisters, we need the Savior. We need to be anchored in him. In the strength of the Lord, we can do all things which are right and good. With the Savior, we find an increase of love, compassion, and the Spirit. We need prayer, scriptures, sacrament meetings, service, and temple attendance. They’re all the “primary answers”, but they’re primary because they are fundamental and everything we must build upon.
I testify of the divinity of forgiveness and its ability to bring us closer to Christ. I know that forgiving others brings happiness and joy into our lives and lightens our burdens. If there is someone you need to forgive, a spouse, friend, sibling, parent, or other acquaintance, I invite you to walk the path of forgiveness. Let the Savior make your burdens light.
I love the words of the hymn “How Gentle God’s Commands”.
1. How gentle God’s commands!
How kind his precepts are!
Come, cast your burdens on the Lord
And trust his constant care.
2. Beneath his watchful eye,
His Saints securely dwell;
That hand which bears all nature up
Shall guard his children well.
3. Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heav’nly Father’s throne
And sweet refreshment find.
4. His goodness stands approved,
Unchanged from day to day;
I’ll drop my burden at his feet
And bear a song away.
I promise that you too will find yourself more deeply anchored in Christ as you forgive thus blessing your life with the Spirit.
[And] the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy … having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ
Of these things I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
