Let’s rewind to April 2, 2022. It was General Conference weekend and I was home alone with Kimberlee. Anthony was out working and right as the talks were about to begin I had laid Kimberlee down for a nap. April General Conference is always hard for me and this year, it was especially so. Adlee’s second heavenly birthday was approaching and April General Conference is also challenging because two years ago, during April Conference 2020 I thought we would soon be learning Adlee’s gender and thought everything was hunky dory. In reality, Adlee was already gone. And so, April Conference is a painful reminder of it all.
Here is what I wrote in my journal on April 2, 2022
“I have been reliving her loss and every memory with that, including finding out she was gone. My heart aches almost daily and the thought of trying for baby #3 at the end of Summer is traumatizingly terrifying for me.”
Without sharing every little detail, I sat on the couch and felt love and compassion I’d never before experienced. This love and compassion was for me from our Savior. At that moment He could’ve reassured me of the truths of Resurrection and Eternal Family. He could’ve told me it’s all going to be okay. Instead, he offered me love and compassion. It was my own Lazarus moment. The way the Savior loved and offered compassion to Lazarus’ sisters is what he did for me.
This experience taught me that while He took on every pain and sacrificed so all may be right, He knows that in this life you and I will still feel the pain of loss and He does truly know. He knows what I feel and it’s okay for me to feel Adlee’s loss and feel such grief that she is not here.
The amazing calming effect this experience had upon me would be required for my experience the next day (see Pregnant … again). But, following that experience were amazing talks about our Savior.
Unbelief blocks our ability to see miracles, whereas a mindset of faith in the Savior unlocks the powers of heaven.
Elder Larry Kacher, Ladder of Faith, April 2022 General Conference
And my personal favorite comes from Elder Patrick Kearon.
Jesus specializes in the seemingly impossible. He came here to make the impossible possible, the irredeemable redeemable, to heal the unhealable, to right the unrightable, to promise the unpromisable. And He’s really good at it.
He is Risen with Healing in His Wings: We Can Be More Than Conquerers, April 2022 General Conference
So much in life can feel impossible, unhealable, and unrightable. Yet, somehow the Savior makes it all possible, healable, and rightable. As you tune into his love and compassion for you individually, you too can feel it. I know it because I did and I never before believed I could.
