I posted most of this before, but received a lot of grief from some people for doing so. I took it down, but I’ve decided those people don’t get to keep me from sharing really important principles about relationships and marriage. Hopefully what I have to say can help at least one of you and save your current or future marriage.
I’d been thinking a lot about marriage and how hard it can be, but worth it when done right. As I was seeking to strengthen, build, and fight for my marriage, I did a lot of learning, observing, reading, and more. While reflecting on everything I’ve been learning, these points stand out to me:
1. The real enemy is not your spouse.
2. Fight for your marriage and spouse, not against.
3. Love unconditionally with real love.
4. Forgive over and over and over. More often than not, we will repeat the same mistakes time and time again. Change is a process and it takes time, especially if it’s a habit or something your spouse has been unaware of.
5. Never assume and if you do, assume the best, give the benefit of the doubt (something I’m working on)
6. Your spouse is only second to God.
7. Make decisions and counsel TOGETHER, not with other people who aren’t a part of your marriage (counselor, ecclesiastical leaders, parental advice when sought out is different from this concept)
8. Don’t communicate only to be understood, but communicate so you are not misunderstood (a principle I learned on Sunday).
9. You don’t fall out of love, you choose to stop loving.
10. Be honest.
11. Never give up (there are few exceptions to this like, cheating, child porn, murder, or other forms of addiction. Serious forms of abuse can also be causes. This is left up to the discretion of the spouse but, remember: NO ONE is beyond the reach of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.)
12. Choose to see the good.
These are true principles. It can be so easy to lose sight of what’s real, to view your spouse as an enemy, and to only see the bad. The moment we let ourselves fall to that, we come to hate that person and often leads to a person giving up or “falling out of love”. Choose to see the good, no matter how much bad you’ve convinced yourself there is.
That, my friends, is just a part of REAL LOVE. I loved my choice! He taught me so much and helped me become a better person. I hope he can find the happiness he’s looking for. I also hope that when I’m ready, I’ll be able to remember and apply these principles in my next marriage.
