I’m the type of person who has a lot of dreams, both of the kind you fulfill and the kind you have when you’re asleep. In fact, there have been many times where my dreams have been a form of revelation for me. It must have something to do with my Armenian blood. With that said, I’ve also had a lot of nightmares in my life, especially following my divorce.
I had nightmares that I saw my ex and his family or that my ex came back trying to apologize and get me back after realizing he screwed up. I had nightmares of him finding me and harming me. There are several that I can remember so vividly, but there is one I had about a week ago that I will never be able to forget. I don’t know whether to call it a nightmare, dream, or both, so you tell me.
In my sleep I was standing there, facing my ex-husband and I was punching him. I don’t know if I was saying this out loud and punching him or if each punch was a representation of what I was saying/thinking, but you get the picture. I told him he was wrong, wrong about me, wrong to leave, wrong to treat me the way he did, and that he really messed up (I went into detail in my dream). Eventually, I stopped punching him. He was crying and saying, “I know, I know.” And I was crying because this confrontation was painful, but through the tears, I said, “But I forgive you.” After that, the dream abruptly ended.
My nightmares and dreams almost always symbolize something that I’m thinking, feeling, or experiencing in my life. This dream helped confirm to me that I truly have forgiven. I’ve felt that and written about my journey of forgiveness, but being the dreamer I am in more ways than one, there was something solidifying in having this experience. I felt even more sure and confident that I’ve forgiven, and this was just another stepping stone in my healing process.
The past truly is behind and the future ahead. My past will always remain with me, as a lesson and because it was traumatic, but I’ve reached a place where I’m going so far beyond that. I can finally talk about so much more than my divorce, but there are still countless lessons that I’ve learned and truths I’m learning that it will probably always be something I talk about. It’s more that the way I talk about it is changing. I don’t know how to explain this other than it’s relieving. My burdens are not just being lightened, but they’re being lifted and I feel so incredibly grateful for that.
