Nurturing Your Marriage: Resources to Strengthen Yours

My first marriage was anything but healthy. By the time I found the right resources to help me improve myself in terms of our relationship, it was too late. Regardless, I read and finished reading many of those books and they have been a huge blessings for me. My husband has read most if not all of the same books, several of which we have read together. Our relationship is one I will forever cherish and having the knowledge, understanding, and skills we now do has only made it that much sweeter.

Every book I will suggest will challenge the way you think and will encourage and push you towards self-improvement. Each one of these books I have either read or listened to. I will share links for either option – audio or a hardcopy of the book. Some of these books I recommend you read versus listen to, but I will make those suggestions as we go.

Real Love by Greg Baer

The first book I very highly recommend is Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships. I recommend this book for anyone and everyone. It’s great if you’re single, looking for a relationship, are in a relationship, recently divorced, or married. This book teaches fundamental principles I think we have all missed out on such as what real love actually is. 

Greg Baer is the author and teaches his audience about imitation love versus real love. He teaches about getting and protecting behaviors and how to eliminate conflict. Baer not only teaches what these are, but he teaches us how we can apply them. Establishing a pattern of real love will help strengthen and improve any relationship. If you are not in a relationship and apply what’s taught here, it will help ensure you find yourself in a healthy relationship instead of a superficial relationship full of unrealistic expectations and an unsatisfactory return of love.

Real Love is a book you can either read or listen to. I’ve done both and have found value in both. I actually started reading this book almost the day after my ex-husband left me and then read it again while dating my husband. It is a book we both love and recommend to anyone struggling in their relationship or looking to improve it.

If you’ve already read this version of Real Love, then I recommend also reading Real Love in Marriage: The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now and Forever if you’d like to see in greater depth how these concepts can be applied in marriage. I’ve only ever listened to it, but I’m sure the physical copy of the book is great too. I’ll put those links below.

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

The Anatomy of Peace is a wonderful book centered around resolving conflict. This is a deeper book, but also an easy and enjoyable read. I personally think it piggy backs really well of off Real Love. Now don’t go thinking that they are the same authors, because they’re not, but they teach similar ideas and principles in terms of conflict, just in different ways. The Anatomy of Peace helps you get to the root cause of conflict and is a book I would recommend reading versus listening to because of the diagrams used to help teach different principles.

A principle I really loved from this book was the idea of our hearts being at war and our hearts being at peace. The Arbinger Institute teaches about how “we can be in the world seeing others as people or we can be in the word seeing others as objects” (page 81). If you want some great skills from some of the best, then read this book! 

Eight Dates by Gottman

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For a Lifetime of Love is a book written primarily by John and Julie Gottman. This book is intended for married couples, and while we need to read it again now that we’re married, Anthony and I actually read it while we were dating. We actually read a lot together during the few short weeks we date. Impressed? 

This book is definitely a reader and NOT a listen-to book. You are going to want the hard copy and here’s why …

Eight Dates is a really great way to help you and your spouse or significant other have important conversations. With each chapter or rather “conversation” you are invited, as the readers, to participate in an activity or date with your spouse. Each date has a conversation topic, based around which of the eight dates you’re on. There are instructions and most of the time you will be asked to review, reflect, or prepare something in preparation for your date. The book will give you suggestions of what to do, where to go, and even what to bring. With your date there are ideas for open-ended questions or topics and for the end of the date, there is usually a statement of affirmation you will recite to each other. It’s really fun and you can take it at your own pace. 

And They Were Not Ashamed

Whether you or your spouse are struggling with physical intimacy and sex or are simply looking to improve it, then this book is for you. And They Were Not Ashamed gives you tools to help improve your and your spouse’s intimacy by teaching what needs a woman versus a man has when it comes to being close. As women, we need foreplay to warm us up, but we also need to feel emotional connection before we feel like we can have sex.

For men, they feel emotionally connected once they’ve physically connected. It really is a balancing act. This book can also help you feel more comfortable with sex if it’s something you have a hard time with or if it makes you feel guilty or “dirty”. Sex is intended to not only be a means to make a baby, but it is intended to be pleasurable, fun, and a way for husband and wife to connect.

I will say this is a longer book and if you don’t have very much time to spend reading, then I suggest getting the audiobook. I listened to the audiobook before marrying Anthony because he recommended it and because I didn’t have time to sit and read the whole thing… although I did try to. There is always value in reading the hardcopy so I will post links to both. 

The End

There are so many great books out there and I have more to read. As I do, I’ll be sure to update this post, but for now, these are the ones I’ve read that have really blessed me in so many ways. I see more clearly and I personally feel these books will do significantly more for you than any marriage counseling or therapy you could ever go to. Speaking from experience, I really really wish my first husband would’ve been willing to read even just one of these books with me (like I’d wanted) instead of making us go to counseling where his behaviors and lies were fed. These books have the power to change your heart and mind if you are receptive to it.

My husband and I have a strong and healthy relationship and I give a lot of credit to the books we’ve read, both on our own and together. You can have these same results if you give them a try. Enjoy reading!

*As an affiliate with Amazon, any purchases made through the links I share will give me a small profit.