I was ready to give up on dating and was making some pretty great life plans with big goals. From the time I was sixteen up until now … you could say I’ve been around the block. I have dated so many guys and it was getting old, especially following a divorce.
The worst part about dating? More often than not it’s all games. A guy says he’s interested, schedules a date, and then stands you up. One guy acts like he cares until you don’t or can’t give him what he wants. The next guy thinks he’s got you in the palm of his hand until he realizes you see right through him. Another doesn’t have his life figured out yet but wants you to “wait” and “be patient” until he figures it out. And sometimes, a guy is a combo of them all. Come on, really guys?
As a girl who knows what she wants and what will or won’t work for her, you really think you could trick me into another game? Well, they’d better think twice, because this girl had zero and I repeat zero patience for this. If you started playing games with me, I was out so fast. Call me a sore loser, but walking away I think I won because I didn’t waste my time on a meaningless game.
It wasn’t ever happiness I was trying to find, but greater fulfillment and purpose that I felt couldn’t be achieved without a husband and partner. As a part of this process, I tried making some career changes, worked on improving myself, reconnected with old friends, and I downloaded an app called “Mutual”. I actually downloaded it about five different times because I also deleted it so many times.
That fifth time was my final time, my last straw. I was ready to throw in the towel and put literally all my energy into what I considered better things. Well, this fifth and final time I swiped up on a guy who is now becoming my forever.
Ladies and gents, boys and girls I’ve got a PSA: dating apps work.
Looking at Anthony’s profile, I was instantly attracted to him. Call me shallow, but I always wanted to date a black guy. I’ve found black men attractive for as long as I can remember, but I never thought I could trick one into loving me. 😉 If any of you have ever used Mutual or a similar dating app, you know that you have seven days to get in touch. In the case you don’t talk, the app unmatches you and you’ve missed your chance.
Anthony and I had been matched for about four days and he still hadn’t made a move. I felt conflicted because I really wanted him to ask me out and we only had three days left! In my desperation to go out with this beautiful man, I messaged my good friend and he said, “Analee, it’s the 21st century. You can make the first move.” I knew he was right and so I made my move.
In his description, Anthony said, “If we match I’m interested and I’ll ask you.” So what did I say? I said, “We matched. Does this mean you’re going to ask me out?” He responded in the affirmative and asked me to send him my number so he could call me. Later that day he called, we talked and I thought he was so funny and he scheduled our date for the next day.
Our first date went smashingly well. We connected on so many levels about so much and honestly, I think we skipped the whole “small talk” thing. Conversation between us got deep and personal fast. I told him within the first 15-20 minutes or so of our date that I was divorced… which I wasn’t planning on doing for at least one or two more dates. It fit the conversation and I figured it would be better to figure out whether or not he’d be a time waster sooner than later. I was floored by his response.
Something I have felt very blessed with since my previous marriage is the gift of discernment. The Lord has blessed me with the ability to discern whether or not someone can be trusted or if they’re lying. He’s blessed me to see what’s on the inside and what isn’t generally, for all intents and purposes, “out in the open”.
Meeting and talking with Anthony I knew instantly that I could trust him. I felt I could be myself around him and I didn’t have to hide any parts of myself. I could tell he felt the same. After that date, he asked me out again for the next day. When the second date ended I was pretty confident that I found my eternal man. We spent a good portion of the following day together and I knew, without a doubt, that he was the one.
Do you know what the great thing is? So did he and he told me that night, after asking me to be his girlfriend, that he knew we were going to get married. This guy was bold, funny, intelligent, spiritual, determined, hard-working, was on the same page as me, and best of all? He knew what he wanted. Can you believe that?! Girls, men with decisive hearts and minds do exist!
Additionally, not at any point have I ever felt like one of us was one step ahead of the other or one of us cares about and loves the other more. Everything feels perfectly balanced. He loves me as much as I do him and it’s such a beautiful and comforting feeling.
Without going into all the details of our dating life, as that’s not the purpose of this blog post, Anthony and I decided we knew we are meant to be. We loved each other and boy did that love come fast and sincere as can be.
I’ve had people ask me questions like, “How do you know you can trust him?” or “Aren’t you nervous he’s hiding his true self from you?” or “What if you get hurt again?”
The short answer? I have made the choice to trust. There is also a feeling, a feeling of peace and comfort from God. Everything in the world makes sense when we’re together.
Am I nervous? A little bit, but not for the reasons you’d think. Marriage is a big commitment, but I feel immense peace and surety about my decision. Now am I nervous he’s hiding his true self from me? No, absolutely not. I know what it feels like to be lied to. Heck, I used to be married to one of the greatest liars of all time. With Anthony, it’s the way he carries himself and communicates. It’s in the way he shows he cares and puts work into our relationship each and every day. It’s a gut feeling and my gut has had a track record of being right for over a year now, so I’ll go with it.
What if I get hurt again? Honestly, I say I don’t think I could handle it, but I’d get through it again, just like I did this time. It would hurt more and would cut deeper. But that’s something I can’t wonder about. I can’t let my mind be filled with fear because of past experiences. That’s not fair to him, me, or our relationship. It’s all independent of what I’ve experienced. So what-if? I don’t believe there is a what-if. I have and am learning to move past hurt and pain, to not project fears based off of my past onto Anthony and our relationship.
I have prepared myself for this, the Lord has prepared me for this. I have chosen to love. I have chosen to trust. I have chosen Anthony. I have chosen us. I have chosen to become Mrs. Armstrong. I have chosen this path with all that comes with it.
In less than a year I am going from divorced and single to almost Mrs. and I could not be happier or feel more peace about this decision. The Lord heals the broken hearts and wounded souls. He cares about and for us, of that I could not possibly be more sure.
